Two more children dead, another mother on her way to jail. Maybe. Maybe not. But in all likelihood, 29-year-old Shaquan Duley will spend time behind bars.

In 1985, if I had followed through with my own plan to drive my car over a hillside, or connect a hose from the tailpipe to the driver’s window, I could have been in jail, too—had I survived either plan.

Fortunately, I never followed through with what would have been the easy way out, from rearing three children ages four and younger, while seven-months-pregnant with my fourth child. I wasn’t a single parent, but I felt like one at the time. I know and understand the stress and frustration that comes from single-handedly trying to care for the needs of toddlers who can’t do everything for themselves. I know what it feels like to be criticized for what you are doing, even as your inner voice criticizes you more than anyone else could.

I’m not sure if that’s what sent Duley over the edge when she killed her two sons, but I have to admit I feel her pain. Not having taken that final step, though, I must also admit I don’t know how she feels now. I can imagine but, and I thank God for this every single day of my life, I never had to feel the pain or regret that comes from a single desperate action.

There are plenty of women, other mothers who have also walked in Duley’s shoes, who have, though. They sit in prison cells around the country, trying to mend their hearts and their minds, after taking their children’s lives. Abigail Arnold, who counsels these women from Coffee Creek Correctional Center in Oregon, told me their grief is overwhelming, and their guilt cannot be measured.

Arnold was kind enough to endorse my upcoming memoir, Sister of Silence, back in 2008 when she learned its topic matter relates to the women she helps. This is part of what she said: “Sister of Silence shows every woman who reads it that she is not alone, that all over the country she has sisters in her pain and fear and shame. For professionals, it offers precious insight into an achingly common theme in their clients’ lives. I look forward to using Daleen’ story as an inspiration to my clients, to show that they matter and that what they’ve survived isn’t their fault. With her gritty honesty and compelling style, Daleen has given my women a way to say, “If she made it, I can, too.”

I’d like to think that whatever happens to Duley, she might end up reading my memoir one day. Maybe it will help her see, like Abigail said, that she isn’t alone.

NOTE: Sister of Silence is coming soon to a bookstore near you. Prepublication orders are being taken now. If you are interested in buying a copy, please complete the information to the right of this article.

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My Message

Every time I tell my story, someone invariably has a story to share afterward. Most times, it is a woman. Occasionally, it is a man.

“My mom was in an abusive marriage.”
“The same thing happened to me. I was molested when I was 10.”
“He beat me for 35 years.”
“After my rape, I felt like my life was stolen.”

I am honored to be trusted with a glimpse into other people’s lives, and most of these moments are positive. Encouraging. Complimentary. The more I speak out, the more I hear. It never ceases to amaze me, and it is humbling.

Sister of Silence

This memoir exposes the social factors that lead mothers to kill their children in a manner that is, by turns, both calmly detached and full of gritty emotion. Sister of Silence looks at such factors as fractured families, adult men who prey on young girls, and domestic violence. A poignant expose that will rally people everywhere to take a closer look at the issues that are rocking the very foundation of our nation, Sister of Silence is about an award-winning journalist and columnist who experienced thirteen years of child sexual abuse and domestic violence, which pushed her to the edge and nearly resulted in suicide. The fact that she didn't kill herself--and is willing to speak out so other women who have known such horrors can be helped --is a testament to how resilient the human spirit is, and how even in spite of the worst abuse, it is possible not just to survive, but to thrive. Sister of Silence is the first narrative nonfiction book to address these issues in such a candid manner.

Vintage Berry Wine

Jane's framed letter sits on my desk, and which has traveled across the country and back with me, covering more than ten thousand miles along the way. In her February 26, 1991 letter, Jane says,

"I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your column, Vintage Berry Wine. Thank you for letting your readers take a peek into your life and for showing us that problems can be dealt with a lot easier with a bit of humor.

I really appreciate you sharing your problems with your readers. It makes me feel a kinship to you since I have gone through some of the same things you write about.

Please don't quit writing. Your column is the first thing I look for when I receive the paper. You may never know what an impact you have had on your readers. I can tell you that you have helped me and maybe someday I will get to West Virginia and meet you.”