Children everywhere are still not safe tonight.

That's because a pedophile was allowed to roam the halls of a sacred academic institution, while power and prestige took priority over the plight of the children who were sacrificed to the gods of profit.

Kind of reminds me of the ancient god Molech, to whom parents in Judean times sacrificed their live children on a fiery altar.

When an entire institution turns a blind eye to the plight of a child as young as 10, all for fear of reprisals, loss of power, prestige and—mostly—profits, is it really any different than those pagan worshippers of so long ago? Is it really any better? Should it be any more revered?

The Penn State scandal has left a distinctly bad taste in my mouth. Like most people, I'm sickened that a college football coach, a president, a finance director, and even the grad student who witnessed a small child being raped by a grown man—among other adults who were aware of Sandusky's perverted behavior--would not report such a crime to law enforcement.

In fact, when I tried to take a nap today, I could not erase from my mind the picture of a bigger, older man holding a boy of just 10 captive, while raping him anally. Now, after reading the grand jury testimony, which includes details about how Sandusky "gave Victim 1 a number of gifts, including golf clubs, a computer, gym clothes, dress clothes and cash," as well as "took him to restaurants, swimming at a hotel . . . and to church," I'm reminded of the grooming I experienced as a young girl myself.

My molester didn't create a charity whereby he could have access to "hundreds of boys, many of whom were vulnerable due to their social situations" and which was "dedicated to helping children with absent or dysfunctional families." But he targeted girls from such families, who were equally vulnerable as Sandusky's victims.

When I wrote Sister of Silence, I did so because I wanted to help people understand what this type of crime looks like. I wanted to help protect other children. I also wanted to alert parents as to how they can avoid having their children targeted by these molesters.

The only reason Ken Lanning even agreed to write the book's foreword is because I describe exactly what it feels like to be among the majority of sexual abuse victimizations. That's right: most children are sexually abused just like I was, and just like Sandusky's victims.

How is that, exactly? Well, we were seduced or groomed, and we were complicit in our abuse. That means we took an active role, perhaps enjoying the gifts bestowed upon us, or returning to our abuser, because we craved the attention of a positive role model.

And Lanning, after spending 30 years as an FBI special agent, testifying at hundreds (if not more) of cases that involve child victims, and having written the manuals for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, says these cases are the norm.

So much for the big, bad stranger in a black trenchcoat lurking behind a tree. (Please see "Parents Beware: Misconceptions about the Natascha Kampusch case all too common.") Most of them instead look like Sandusky: a grandfatherly type, with an easy smile and pleasant personality. That our society continues to hold tight to the myth of stranger-danger is a travesty that permits crimes like Sandusky's to go unnoticed for 30 years. Lanning knows this is common, and he says so in my book's foreword.

Sadly, sometimes even when parents are alert to the danger, as was Victim 6's mother after her son returned from a stint with Sandusky and told her they showered together, when the accused is someone prestigious, an investigation into the crime at hand is only cursory.

Anyone in the law enforcement community with an ounce of commitment toward helping children should have known Sandusky's admission of guilt went far deeper than simply apologizing for a mere shower, or a hug. "I understand. I was wrong. I wish I could get forgiveness. I know I won't get it from you. I wish I were dead," Sandusky told the boy's mother.

Children have become a casualty in today's social climate, where parents are too busy for their child's own good, and where trusted family friends (or coaches or priests or scout leaders) become convenient stand-ins for an overworked or absent parent.

In the past, parents tried to silence their children upon learning of such crimes, usually from a fear of shame coming upon the family name. Today, we stand at a crossroads: society can choose to continue to deny that people like Sandusky wouldn't hurt a child, or people like Paterno wouldn't permit it, and it will just be business as usual.

For its part, Penn State needs to do anything and everything it can to show its moral compass has changed, and it will no longer conduct business as usual. From Cleveland school teacher Rick Shartzer comes this idea about how the institution can do that: "What you permit you promote! Joe Paterno needs to be fired, and if Penn State University doesn't have the humanity and character to cancel this weeks game, then ESPN needs to step up and BLACKOUT the game."

Shartzer got his first wish late last night. But Penn State, which should be held accountable for the huge culpability it has in this matter, due not just for its failure to report these crimes, but because it allowed Sandusky to operate his charity, The Second Mile, from the campus. Let's see if Penn State has the guts to grant Shartzer's second wish.

If it does cancel Saturday's game, the college won't redeem itself entirely. But it can show it has indeed learned something of lasting value from this tragedy. Especially where football is more like a modern-day Molech than a national pastime, and where the mindset is making money at all costs.

Or society—we the people—can remember the legacy we leave behind will cause future generations to judge us harshly, and condemn us for the ignorance, shame and cowardice we so often display, in cases like these.

I don't know about you, but I choose the child. After all, didn't Jesus say "the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these?" Seems like he had his priorities straight. It may be too late for Penn State to learn from him, but it isn't for you and me. The lives of our children—who are, after all, society's greatest asset—depend upon it.

Posted by Daleen at 05:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If you know anyone who needs to make some serious life changes, please buy them a copy of Sister of Silence. If you're a therapist or have one on speed dial, tell them to download it from Amazon. If you're a parent, a teacher or someone who still stumbles through life numb and encumbered, get the book. It really can help you, as well as those important people whose lives you touch.

I recommend it not because I wrote it, but because so many other people say my story resonates with them, and they are recommending it to anyone and everyone. One reader has literally become a one-woman band, as she tells anyone whose path she crosses about this book, urging them to read it.

From California, another reader said her therapist is going to use Sister of Silence with her own patients.

I recommend it because a well-respected national expert in the field of domestic violence suggested I introduce it at an upcoming conference being held at the University of Berkeley.

And I continue to recommend it because daily—and often, more than once a day—I hear such positive feedback from readers who keep telling other people about it.

It's honest and raw, and thoroughly candid in discussing some pretty ugly topics—but in a way that hopefully will leave you (the reader) more open to talking about sexual abuse, domestic violence, and filicide-suicide.

"Your book was amazing." (A social worker who read Sister of Silence told me this yesterday.)

Another woman I just met, who owns a publishing company, said her dentist asked her if she'd read my book. (Now that's great word of mouth advertising!)

"Your style of writing captures SO much emotion that I found myself swept away with each sentence!!! Please know that I will continue to suggest your book to others as it is a message that NEEDS to be heard," another reader wrote.

"I finished reading your book last night. What a powerful story you have told! I admire your courage in making the choices that you had to make. I also admire your courage in telling your story. This book can be a significant aid to women who are living in their own Hell. I won't ever forget your story. It breaks my heart that you had to live that way, but I am encouraged by the fact that you have made something positive of the experience by writing this book." That's what Rhonda Jenkins, an educator who's seen her fair share of children stunted by abuse, told me last month.

"I am impressed with Daleen Berry. She is bright, brave, and a true blessing. This woman is making a difference." (This is from another reader and while she credits me for what's happening when people read my book, I don't. I do believe that anyone who has survived something painful can—if they are willing—turn their negative experience into something positive that has the ability to help other people.)

At a recent book reading, one woman bought four copies of my Sister of Silence. Four! One for herself, one for her daughter, and two for friends or family! She had heard enough about it to believe its message would make a difference. I hope it is. And does.

Posted by Daleen at 01:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This week, I attended “Crimes Against Children,” a conference at Camp Dawson in Preston County, West Virginia. There, the FBI NAA (National Academy Associates) program featured several experts who spoke about the problems confronting today’s children. While the public—as well as the media—often believes violence is a natural component in the sexual crimes of children, that’s rarely the case. The current breaking news about Natascha Kampusch appears to support this fact. So in light of what those experts said, Natascha’s abduction and abuse bear analyzing.

Natascha, then 10, disappeared from Vienna, Austria, on March 2, 1998, while walking to school. Eight years later, authorities say she’s in relatively good health, after having been locked in some type of cellar all those years. Her abductor, Wolfgang Priklopil, 44, threw himself in front of a train after Natascha was found. From initial news reports, it seems Natascha did not know her abductor—which is unusual. Nor was there violence—which is quite common.

The American public (and, I’m guessing, society in most parts of the world) mistakenly believes that cases like this one are the norm: strangers abduct our children. That’s how we came to have so much prevention literature on “stranger danger,” where the stranger is often depicted as a man in a trench coat who offers candy to little children to trick them into going mindlessly with him.

But at Monday’s conference, I again heard something I know from personal experience to be only too true—the real danger to children comes from people they know, and often know well. “The forgotten molester is the acquaintance molester,” Kenneth V. Lanning, a retired FBI special agent, told an audience of law enforcement officers, social workers, and teachers.

This molester is one society refuses to discuss, Lanning said, “because he’s one of you. You’ve invited him over for dinner. Or you go to church with him.” Instead, society instead prefers to focus on stranger abduction, because it’s easier for us to believe strangers will victimize our children, than will the people we know (and even love).

News reports about Natascha indicate she was also victimized sexually. But since the authorities are relating she’s in “good health,” that may confuse us. This ties in with the second fallacy: that violence is part and parcel of such abductions and or sexual crimes.

“Sexual offenders do not use violence. It’s simply not necessary. If you do use violence, look at all the trouble it causes. The single dumbest thing you can do is abduct a victim and become violent,” Lanning said.

Which brings me to another topic pertinent to this issue: sexual activity with children. As one of the online news sites has reported about Natascha’s situation, “Whether the sexual contact … was consensual or forced on her was not yet clear…”

Excuse me, did I read that correctly? You bet. Which shows how little some branches of the media know about this sensitive issue. For the record, and as Lanning likes to say, children cannot give consent for sexual relations. Just because they can participate in it, doesn’t mean they can give consent—for it isn’t legal to have sex with a child (as defined by legal terms, anyone under the age of 18) and, furthermore, children lack the emotional maturity to understand the consequences of having sex. This means they’re not responsible for what happens to them sexually when the other person is an adult. (And even when the other person isn’t.)

So let’s just take the ‘consensual’ nonsense out of the equation right now, when it comes to Natascha and others like her. (For even if she had sex with her captor after she turned 18, years of any such sexual abuse would still render her unable make a good, sound decision.)

Other important points for parents to consider when trying to protect their children, as gleaned from that recent conference include:

• The Internet poses a huge danger to children. Jerry Spurgers, a special agent with the FBI in Little Rock, and Jim Barrett, a sergeant with the Conway Police Department, both in Arkansas, related the 2002 case of Kacie Woody’s abduction and murder, by the 47-year-old man who masqueraded as a 14-year-old admirer.
• Children and teens aren’t getting the message. Denise Holtz, a special agent with the Pittsburgh, Pa., FBI, said she has spoken to more than 40 classes this year alone, and her findings have been the same every time: If parents are explaining Internet safety use to their children, the children are either not hearing, or not listening. Therefore, parents need to set rules (and review them often), regularly monitor their children’s computer use, and keep the computer in an area frequently used by all family members.
• When faced with a threatening situation, call for help. Teach your children how to help themselves. Holtz said she teaches kids if their gut tells them danger is nearby, to run! “Run toward somebody who looks like a mommy,” she suggested.
• Grooming is alive and well. Child pornography, defined as images of children in sexual poses or situations, is being used in grooming, which is the process of befriending a child in order to then sexually abuse her (or him). Tessa Cooper, a victim specialist with the FBI, and Maureen Runyon, of the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, both out of Charleston, W.Va., said they’re seeing a lot of grooming cases where child porn is used prior to a sexual assault.
• Adults who prey on children will try to act on their perverted desires. When using the Internet to befriend and then lure their victims, these offenders will get around to asking about having a real world sex encounter. That’s the word from Dave Perri, an assistant U.S. attorney in Wheeling, W.Va. “It’s not a question of ‘if.’ It’s a question of ‘when,’” Perri said.
• Report anything suspicious to the authorities. According to the news, Natascha’s captor exposed himself to a neighbor’s daughter, whose father never reported it. Wayne Sheppard, with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, said the NCMEC works with local, state and federal law enforcement officials, to investigate reports of suspected or actual child sexual abuse. So either call your local police, or 1-800-The-Lost, if you think a child is in danger.

Posted by Daleen at 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)